Wait! What?!?!?

It’s been a while since I’ve written because life has been really busy.

This happened.           

                                                                    

And then THIS happened!

So even though there are some bad things happening in my life, there are also some really good things, too! 

I’m trying to even remember where I left off.  I know I wrote about surgery and the outpouring of love from family and friends in my church and community.  So I guess the next thing would be the 1 month follow-up visit after surgery.

I saw my doctor early this month.  Incisions have healed well.  My range of motion in both shoulders is normal.  She had a MammaPrint ordered on the left tumor and lymph nodes and an Oncotype Dx ordered on the right tumor.  The results from those tests were very encouraging.  

MammaPrint results for left side which was more advanced (invasive ductal carcinoma with 1 out of 3 sentinel lymph nodes positive): Low risk luminal-type A; 95.3% of patients who were treated with hormonal therapy alone (Tamoxifen/Aromatase Inhibitor) are living without distant recurrence of breast cancer at 5 years. No significant chemotherapy benefit.  Chemotherapy added to the tamoxifen decreases risk for recurrence from 95.3% to 96.6% which my doctor said was not enough to merit the risks involved with chemotherapy treatment.  

Oncotype DX results for right side (ductal carcinoma in situ with 0 out of 4 sentinel lymph nodes positive): Breast DCIS score of 24 which means based on my age and tumor size, my risk of any local recurrence within 10 years is 9% if treated with breast conserving surgery alone.

Woohoo! Praise God! I don’t need chemo!!! And she said that Tamoxifen alone may be the only further treatment required. But she wanted me to see a radiation doctor and a chemo doctor to get their recommendations.

So, this past Thursday I went to the radiation doctor.  He said because the tumor was in the dermis, I need radiation.  Also, because there was a positive lymph node, I need radiation.  He said they would give me a full course of radiation to the left breast, armpit area.  If cancer were to return, no further radiation could be given.  They would have to use other means to get rid of it.  He said without radiation, local recurrence would be 30% to 40% and with radiation it would be reduced to 10% to 15%.  Then the kicker… the doctor said he needed to talk to the chemo doctor “to see if further lymph node removal would need to be done to determine if I need chemo.”  Wait.  What??? I thought the MammaPrint and Oncotype DX said I DON”T need chemo.  Now maybe I do?!?!

I don’t know if I’ve ever been more confused in my life.  Cancer is not an area I am educated in.  Although I have a medical background, I don’t understand most of what I am being told.  This is so foreign to me.  It’s hard to make decisions about something you don’t understand. I sent a text to my family and friends telling them of the need for radiation and that it looks like chemo is back on the table.  I feel discouraged because I really thought I was near the end of the acute part of this cancer thing.  I had thought that all I had left to do was to decide whether or not to have reconstruction.  Now they are saying possibly more surgery to remove more lymph nodes AND radiation. (My doctor had said remove lymph nodes OR do radiation), 6 weeks of allowing the surgery incision to heal.  Then 6 weeks of radiation 5 days a week.  And possibly chemo.  And then reconstruction if we decide to do that.

I end my text, “But God knows the plans He has for me. I am trusting Him and putting all my hope in Him.”

I am encouraged by Ann Voskamp’s reminder on Facebook.  “Whatever goes bad today, God will work it out for good.  It’s what God does.  Right now through your most unlikely desert places, God is making unbelievable roads…you better believe it! Yeah, you can go face the day with brave JOY--- God’s. got. your. back.” http://annvoskamp.com/

I am reminded of 2 of my favorite verses.  Romans 8:28, 29 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose…to be conformed to the likeness of His Son.” God is using whatever He allows me to face for the good purpose of making me more like Jesus.  And this verse that gave me hope in an earlier time of hardship in my life.  Isaiah 43:19 “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:20 b and 21 say, “…because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim My praise.”

This “new” thing God is doing does not feel good.  It does not look good from my perspective.  But God can use it FOR good.  That is what I am holding on to. Sometimes before the new thing can be done, some demolition must occur first.  Maybe I’m in the demo stage.  Maybe God is doing a transforming work in my life and I’m not in the building or decorating part yet.  Maybe I’m still being torn down, torn apart. But when He’s through with me, I will proclaim His praise! So, I’m praying that I will continue to trust His hand in all of this.

This was in my Jesus Calling devotion for the day I saw the radiation doctor. “Learn to trust Me when things go “wrong.” Trusting acceptance of trials brings blessings that far outweigh them all.  Walk hand in hand with Me through this day.  I have planned every inch of the way.”  “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”  2 Corinthians 4:17

And today in that same devotional.  “As you make plans for the day, remember that it is I who orchestrate the events of your life. On days when things go smoothly, according to your plans, you may be unaware of My sovereign presence.  On days (weeks, months, years) when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me! I may be doing something important in your life, something quite different than you expected. It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours. Don’t try to figure out what’s happening.  Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all.  I know the plans I have for you, and they are good.”

Prayer requests:  That God will give the doctors wisdom for my plan of treatment.  That IF God wants me to do something different from what the doctors recommend, that He would make that VERY CLEAR to me or Pat. That I would accept whatever it is God has planned for me and that I would remain joyful through it. That if God has any divine appointments for me as I am seeing doctors and receiving treatments, that I would not miss those opportunities to encourage others or speak of the goodness and faithfulness of God through Christ Jesus.

I see the chemo doctor this Monday, the 22^nd. My next scheduled appointment for the main doctor is the 30^th.