A Look Back

It was almost one month less than a year that I received my last radiation treatment.  I am amazed that it has been almost a year since I started this cancer journey.  And although I’ve finished chemo and radiation, I am not sure that a cancer journey ever comes to an end.  But I hope that the hardest part of it has.  I am believing that I am already healed but will continue to follow doctor’s suggestions. (At least most of them.)  

 

I have started taking Letrozole, a medication that decreases the female hormones in my body because my cancer was a hormone positive cancer.  This means that the hormones estrogen and progesterone fed the cancer.  No tests have yet been run or even mentioned for the doctors to pronounce me cancer free.  I think I read somewhere that you must go 5 years without a reoccurrence to get the cancer-free status.  Taking the Letrozole is supposed to help decrease my chance of a reoccurrence.  So far, I haven’t experienced any bad side effects and will continue to take it for the prescribed time (5 to 10 years) as long as side effects don’t prohibit me. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking about what God has taught me through the diagnosis and treatment of cancer.  Here are some of the things:

God is faithful! He was with me every step of the way giving me peace and comfort.  He kept me from being ruled by fear.  He gave me rest.  He provided for me in so many different ways.  He has taught me so much this past year.

God’s people are amazing!  Today I counted the cards I received from so many of you…over 100 not counting the postcards I received from the Methodist Church’s Tuesday prayer group each and every week.  This does not include the texts, phone calls, financial gifts, food, flowers, and gifts of various kinds.  It was not uncommon for me to receive a box from Amazon with gifts to help ease the difficulties I faced.  It is amazing how I would receive a card, a text or a call with just the right encouragement for the moment from so many of you…many of whom I have never met!

God also provided some amazing ladies and girls who brought or went with me to chemo and radiation treatments.  These special people made what should have been only difficult, something that I actually looked forward to because I would get to spend time with them.  Some of you I didn’t know very well before, but God has used this hard time to make us dear friends.  I am so grateful!

And I have to thank my husband, children, parents and extended family for how they have been patient with and supportive of me through it all.  I can’t begin to list or number the things they have done and how they have loved me during this difficult year. I love you dearly!

Prayer makes a difference! I am reminded of the verse in Philippians that says, “I know this will lead to my deliverance through your prayers and help from the Spirit of Jesus Christ.” (1:19) And you all flooded the gates of heaven with prayer!  And because of that, the Spirit of Jesus answered those prayers by strengthening us, giving us peace, giving us rest, giving us hope, giving us encouragement and so much more.

The cards and postcards were and are a tangible way for me to see a small portion of the prayers offered on behalf of me and my family.  But I am well aware that many of you prayed and never sent a card.  Many of you have prayed daily for me and of course daily cards would not be reasonable (though from one, I did receive weekly cards). Again, I have never even met so many of you who prayed for me.  I humbly and gratefully thank each of you who prayed on behalf of me and my family.  You just don’t know how much your prayers have meant to me and what a difference they’ve made in my life.  I cannot thank you enough!

God has given me compassion for others who are suffering.  Many of you have dealt with or are dealing with much more devastating and tragic things than what I have dealt with. Some of you have had to watch your child suffer through or be taken by cancer or some other awful disease or accident. My prayers are with you. Some of you are dealing with loss of a spouse or parent or loss of a relationship with a child or divorce.  My prayers are with you.  I do not understand why God allows such suffering to occur or why He lets it happen to His children.  I do not understand but must continue to trust that He is good and loving.  I have wept for you and prayed for God to comfort and strengthen you.

God has given me a thirst for heaven. Any diagnosis that threatens to take you or your loved one’s life, makes you do a lot of thinking about death and what comes after this life.  I am so thankful that Jesus made a way for us to have life after death!  And that life will be glorious! The Bible says that it will make the suffering that we experience here seem light and momentary. (2 Thessalonians 4:17) And not only that, it also says our suffering is producing some sort of eternal glory for us that will make all the suffering worth it. I don’t quite understand it, but I am hanging on to that promise of God.  It somehow makes suffering a little more bearable.  I am working at learning to fix my eyes on Jesus and the cross and what that means for me…spending eternity with Him in heaven.  I pray that all of you have come to know Jesus as Savior and Lord so that you can have the same hope that I have. (https://peacewithgod.net)

Looking back, I can honestly say that cancer has not taken from me as much as I have received because of it from the Lord and from you.  I have received many more blessings through it than it has taken from me. I praise God for this!  It has been a hard year.  But it has also been a good year!

I can not repay any of you for the kindness you have shown to us during this difficult time.  But I am asking the One who can to bless you and keep you.  I am asking Him to let His favor rest on you.  I am asking Him to credit your account in heaven (if you have an account there) for how you have blessed and encouraged and provided for me and my family.

I also cannot repay the One to whom I owe everything. He has been the Source of every good and every kindness ever shown to me.  Not just during this cancer, but for my entire life.  I am so thankful, that He does not expect me to pay anything in return.  Jesus paid it all for me! And all He wants from me is for me to love Him.  I pray that I would love Him as He deserves and that my life would be lived in gratitude to Him.

Only 1 To Go!

May 24, 2018

Lots has happened since I last gave an update on my condition.  I have completed 3 Taxol chemos (7 chemos total).  Only one to go! It has actually flown by. The 4^th chemo almost did me in. I was so discouraged after that chemo and with the blood clot and low hemoglobin, that I was questioning whether I should have taken the chemo at all.  I asked Pat if I should stop the chemo.  He encouraged me to do what needs to be done to get rid of the cancer.  My friend encouraged me and caused me to think with a different perspective.  My church family provided meals that week when I felt so weak.  And here I am…with only ONE chemo to go!

Taxol has not been as harsh on me as the Adriamycin/Cytoxin combo. Praise God! The main side effects are fatigue for a couple of days and I am also having some neuropathy in my fingertips and the sole of my right foot.  The white blood cell counts have not fallen below normal.  My hemoglobin isn’t rising but it is staying fairly stable. I feel as close to normal as I have since chemo started.  I am slowly increasing my activity.

I did have one misstep with chemo.  With this type, I have to take steroids 12 hours and 6 hours before chemo.  My 3^rd treatment should have been on May 16.  But I completely forgot about taking the steroids.  I went and had lab work done, saw the doctor and he asked if I had taken the steroids.  That was the first time that steroids had entered my mind since the 2^nd treatment! I was so disappointed that I could not receive chemo that day.  It also ruined some other plans that I had because of the timing of the chemo.  A verse that has come across my path often in the past few weeks is Proverbs 16:9. “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”  God is always in control.  I had several to remind me that God may have had a reason for the chemo to be rescheduled…that He could have reminded me about the steroids.  And I thought that even if it was a consequence of my own negligence, I have a God who is able to make all things work together for my good.  He is so good! 

My last chemo, God willing, will be June 4^th!  We hope to do a Facebook Live when I ring the bell signifying the end of chemo.  

On the 23^rd, I saw the radiation doctor.  He said I will require radiation to the left side only.  The right side has little chance for recurrence.  That was a surprise and a blessing.  He didn’t say when radiation would start, but that he would give me a couple of weeks to recover some from the chemo.  They went ahead and did some scans to determine the way they would deliver the radiation.  There are 3 ways depending on how close my “heart clings to the chest wall.”  If it isn’t that close it will be a normal delivery.  If a deep inhale will reduce the risk of damage to the heart, the delivery of the radiation will be when I take a deep breath.  No radiation will be given when I exhale.  There is a 3^rd delivery method that they are able to do some kind of curved beam that is much more complicated and expensive.  I am praying that one of the first 2 methods will be sufficient. They also put the marks on me that will be a guide for where the radiation needs to go. Radiation will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  The hardest part will probably the drive to Longview every day.  It is 1 ½ hours from home.  He said I can expect some fatigue, but nothing like the fatigue from chemo.

My son, Conner, had an accident on the 7^th.  He broke his right thumb and cut off the tip of his right long finger when his hand got caught in the coils of the rope when he was in a team roping competition in Kinder, LA.  Our good friends brought him to the ER and stayed with him from 1 AM to after 4 AM and then brought him home.  We saw a sports medicine surgeon who said he wouldn’t touch it and recommended a hand specialist.  We saw the specialist and were so thankful that God worked it out that a we were referred to a specialist.  The ER doctor and the sports med surgeon both thought the long finger would have to be amputated in the middle of the finger.  In surgery, the hand specialist just took off the exposed bone and pulled the skin to cover as much as possible.  He then dressed it with A-cell, powdered cells from a pig’s bladder that tells Conner’s cells to reproduce and gives them a framework to grow on.  He lost very little of that finger. Dressing changes are done daily.  He could not put a plate on the thumb bone like he wanted to because Conner had a wound from the injury on the thumb and the doctor didn’t want to introduce bacteria into the thumb.  He was able to get some pins in and then casted his thumb.  We will not know for another couple of weeks whether the thumb will heal without another operation.  If it doesn’t heal, it will require a plate to connect the ends of the broken bone.  The doctor said that because of the type of injury, there is a possibility that the blood vessels were damaged making it more difficult to heal.

June 6, 2018

UPDATE:

I did not get this posted before the last chemo.  Many of you have seen the Facebook live post of me ringing the bell!  It feels so good to be through with chemo!  Hayden and Conner took me.  My sister, Pam, met us there for the last chemo treatment.  She brought me a beautiful flower arrangement.  Then the boys treated us to Copeland’s for a last chemo celebration meal.  When I got home, there was angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream (my favorite!) and banana pudding in my refrigerator from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. It was a good day!

 I received a call Tuesday letting me know that radiation will begin on June 25^th.  I also had an appointment with Dr. C on Tuesday.  She plans to take my port out next Wednesday.  She wants to go ahead and remove it because of the blood clot.  She doesn’t want to risk me having another one after the Eliquis is stopped.

Conner also had an appointment on Tuesday.  X-rays of his thumb show no signs of healing.  We are working on getting surgery scheduled for next week to have the plate put in. (Update on the update: Conner had surgery on Friday the 8^th. Surgery went well!)

Please continue to pray for our family with the many things that are going on. Pray for Conner’s thumb to heal and for continued healing of his finger. Pray that the chemo and radiation will completely eliminate every cancer cell from my body.  Pray for wisdom and direction for Pat and Sydney regarding their jobs. Pray that through everything, we will continue to trust God and that He will receive much glory.

Our Provider

June 6, 2018
 

I wrote a post the same day as my last post to update you all on my situation.  However, the events of this last week has had me thinking along different lines.  Our family lost 2 people dear to us.  On Tuesday, I got word that Mr. Cavender had passed away and on Thursday, my good friend Mrs. W passed away.  Our family was blessed in different ways by each of these friends. This is a very sloppy post.  I have not had time to process everything and get my thoughts together.

Both Pat and Sydney worked for Mr. Cavender on his personal ranches.  They had close daily contact with him.  Sydney ate lunch with him at least once a week.  He adored Sydney and was always bragging about her to someone.  Although, they both are still working on the ranches while, Mr. Cavender’s family decide what their plans are for the ranches, it will never be the same without Mr. Cavender.  He was a go-getter.  Always excited about getting work done.  Excited about selling a place and buying a new one.  He was a very likeable, funny and generous man who will be greatly missed by our family.  

Mrs. W was a sweet lady who loved well.  And she was well loved in return.  She knew everybody’s name.  Whether you were the post master, a clerk in the grocery store or a nurse she had recently met, she learned and remembered your name. She loved to bake and share her goodies with others.  She loved to celebrate life. She taught me much about living…what she had done well and what she wished she could change.  And she also taught me about dying.  It was my privilege to spend time with her over the past several years.

When your husband and daughter’s jobs are at risk, it’s easy to be anxious.  It’s easy to think that Mr. Cavender was our provider and that without him we will not be provided for in all the ways that he provided for us.  Pat and Sydney were compensated in many more ways than just a salary.  And it will never be the same without him.  

But God reminded me of the job Pat had before he began working for Mr. Cavender.  It was a great job, close to home with many perks.  When that boss died, he stayed on working for the trust.  Eventually, he was sued by the boss’s widow (the lawsuit was dropped after several years) and was let go by the trust.   

At that time, I thought it was such a loss and no job could replace that job.  But I was wrong.  God provided the job with Mr. Cavender and then provided Sydney with a job, too.  But not just a job, but a relationship and mentorship with Mr. Cavender.  It will always be remembered as a wonderful time in her life and our lives.  Sydney was married on one of Mr. Cavender’s ranches.  

It is amazing how God works in our lives.  The lawsuit against Pat caused him to lose his job, and that caused him to go to work for Mr. Cavender, which in turn enabled Sydney to work for and get to know and learn from an amazing man. I have often told her she should thank God that C.S. sued her dad. It is one of those times, that in hindsight, we can see how God worked something bad together for good.

I realized that Pat’s previous job and current job, and Sydney’s job are gifts from God.  God was being good and generous to our family through Mr. Cavender.  God was providing for our family through Mr. Cavender.  And although Mr. Cavender is gone…God is not!  He will continue to be good and gracious and generous to us through whomever He chooses.  Man is not our provider.  God is our Provider.  So, although we will dearly miss those through which He has provided, we can be certain that He will continue to provide for us.

I am looking forward to what God has in store for us next!