Will You Trust Me?

I’ve been pondering a conversation I recently had with a friend.  She was telling me about the anxiety she is having with her firstborn just getting a driver’s license.  It quickly brought to mind the anxiety and worry that I experienced when my firstborn got his driver’s license.  I remember the first several times he would drive and how I spent the whole time that he was gone pleading with God for protection.  When he drove to Texarkana, the prayers and fervency increased.  I told my friend that over time, it would get easier.  Not that she should ever quit praying for protection when her child was driving, but that she wouldn’t be praying constantly for it.  She would learn to trust God with her child in this new way.  I like to call it a calm, quiet, confident trust in God.

I mentioned something to her about thinking life is a series of circumstances in which we have to trust God in something new or learn to trust Him more.  As I think back over my life, I believe this to be true.

Will you trust Me with your marriage difficulties?

Will you trust Me with provision when I ask you to quit your job and homeschool? 

Will you trust Me with your children as they venture out on their own?  When they start driving? When they get in a wreck and drive after that? When they start making their own decisions?  When you don’t agree with their decisions?

Will you trust Me with sickness? Cancer?

Will you trust Me when your life doesn’t look anything like you thought it would?

In each of these circumstances, I have wrestled with God until I could say, “Yes, I will trust You. Even in this.”  And as circumstances change, I have to continue to wrestle with Him until I come to the point that I still trust Him. 

I searched the internet for the definition of the word, trust.  This is what I found. Used as a verb: believe in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of. Some examples of trust: allow someone to have, use or look after someone or something of importance with confidence; to commit to the safekeeping of; place reliance on luck, fate or something else over which one has little control.

It’s in these areas where I feel I have little to no control that my trust in God is tested.  Control is something I like.  But control may be just an illusion.  I just think I have control.  But God is the One in complete control.  I think I’m in control until these things I have no control over happen.  

Back to the definition of trust.  Is God someone I can believe in His reliability? His Truth? His ability? His strength? Can I be confident in His ability to look after my marriage? My children? My family? My friends? Our health? Our futures?  Can I place these things in His care and believe He can and will keep them safe? Can I fully rely on Him when something is completely out of my control?

The answer is overwhelmingly, YES! But is trusting Him always easy?  For me, it is not.  That is why it is so important for me to be in God’s Word as much as possible.  I learned today in Bible study that there are 8000 promises in God’s Word.  He doesn’t place these promises in our hands…but He does place them in our reach.  We have to reach out and take hold of them.  So as I am in His Word, I find these promises that apply to my circumstance and to the best of my ability I take hold of them, receive them and apply them to my life with the help of His Spirit.  When my feelings don’t line up with God’s Truth, I have to remind myself of that Truth.  I have to remember that Truth always trumps feelings.  I have to preach Truth to myself.  I have to let others preach Truth to me.  And eventually, as I struggle through all of this with God, I am able to say, “I trust You,” and when I finally come to that conclusion, peace rushes in and comforts and assures me.

This past week peace was the focus of our Bible study.  

Philippians 4:6-7 promises that if instead of worrying, I will pray about everything with thanksgiving and let my requests be made known to God, His peace, which surpasses every thought (and I can think all kinds of things, for me it’s usually the worst case scenario) WILL GUARD my heart and my mind.

Colossians 3:15 commands me to let the peace of Jesus to control my heart and to be thankful.

Isaiah 26:3-4 promises that He WILL KEEP me in perfect peace if I stay focused on Him (not my circumstances) and if I trust in Him.  And it promises that I CAN TRUST Him forever (in every circumstance) because He is an everlasting rock.

And Isaiah 30:15 promises salvation through repentance and rest. And strength through quietness and trust.  But it also reminds us that sometimes we refuse to have any salvation or strength. I refuse it because I think I can work to make salvation happen. Whether it is salvation of souls, the salvation of a relationship or the salvation of a circumstance… I can somehow think it all relies on me and I will strive and manipulate and strain to make things work out how I want them to work out.  When what I need to do, is ask God if there is anything I need to repent of, are there any actions He wants me to take and as I pray with thanksgiving to His miracle working power to save and rest in His ability to do so, salvation comes.  I can rest even though God often asks me to act, because I realize that I can act and leave the result up to Him.  I can rest because I’m not acting for a result… I am acting out of obedience to God. I refuse to have strength because I choose to trust myself instead of God.  Instead of quietly and confidently trusting Him, I wear myself out trying to make things happen that only God can make happen.  I could have strength but instead I am worn out and discouraged.

We can see through all of these verses that peace is related to trust and gratitude in a Father who is completely trustworthy and completely good.  He is working something out that I can’t even begin to imagine.  One day when I get to heaven and I am able to see my life and the lives of my family and friends from His perspective, I will be overwhelmed with amazement of the awesome stories of love and redemption that He has written.  And I will say, “Truly, You do indeed do ALL things well!”  Oh, for the faith to proclaim that before I see it!

There is much pain and disappointment in this life.  I am constantly being reminded of the pain of this life.  Death of an only child.  Cancer or severe head trauma in children. Severed family relationships. Sickness of all kinds…some incurable. These are things that are occurring not only in my community, but in every community across this earth. Praise God this life is not all there is!

I have completed my 2^nd chemo treatment.  Chemo weeks are rough.  I am trying to figure out how to be honest about how I feel without sounding like I am complaining.  How to be honest AND grateful. I would appreciate any feedback on how to do that.

My hair started falling out in handfuls this past week, so I got Hayden to shave my head.  Losing my hair was harder than I thought it would be.  I am working on not being self-conscious.  I am working on not avoiding people or avoiding eye contact.  I am working on accepting people’s compliments.  I am asking God to help me be comfortable with this, so that other’s can be comfortable when they are with me.

After the first chemo treatment my white blood cell count plummeted.  I had to avoid people for several days and take antibiotics for a week.  Also, my potassium was elevated last Monday when they did blood work.  I am praying that these things will normalize and that God will protect my health and my organs. 

I continue to be overwhelmed by the kindness and goodness and love of God shown through His people.  Thank you for your prayers, your gifts, your hugs, your concern, your cards, your calls, your texts. I am blessed beyond measure and praying that God will continually increase profits to your accounts because of your generosity to me and my family.

The Bible study referenced above is The Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer.  It should be a required study for all Christians.  https://www.lifeway.com/en/product/the-armor-of-god-bible-study-book-P005727075

Addendum: Got a call on Wednesday that my white blood cell count fell to the same level as after the first treatment.  This time they have not called to prescribe antibiotics which I don’t won’t to be on anyway.  So I will be avoiding crowds and shopping until after my next appointment on Tuesday. Please pray that I will not get sick and that if it is God’s will for me to have chemo on Tuesday that the white blood cell count will return to normal.