I Hear You

I Hear You

From my journal on December 13, 2017:

“I did not get the news I wanted yesterday --- one of the lymph nodes had cancer. I guess You’re not through using this cancer to teach me wonderful things about You. You did try to prepare me by giving me the verse 1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” You practically shouted to me, “I care about you!” Thank You, Father, that You care about me and because of that I don’t have to be anxious.”

“What am I anxious about? (So I just laughed out loud as I started to type the next sentence.) I’m anxious about being able to hear Your voice and knowing how to proceed.  So many decisions that still need to be made.”

I am such an “Israelite!” You know how we talk about the Israelites seeing so many miracles of God and then when they get to the next problem, they forget all about how God had opened up the Red Sea for them to cross on dry land, made bitter water sweet, sent manna down from heaven, etc, etc.  Here I am doing the same thing.  In one paragraph, I talk about how God practically shouted to me and in the next I’m wondering if I will be able to hear His voice and if He will lead me to make the right decisions. Humans!!!

I texted a friend, “I don’t know why new decisions cause doubt. (I had struggled to find the right word.  Was it fear?  Worry? No, it was doubt.) His Word says: He is faithful.  His Word says: He is trustworthy. I think maybe I’m worried (that I doubt) about me being able to hear Him, instead of being certain of His ability to guide and direct me.”

There was the problem!  I was trusting in my ability to hear.  I was not trusting in His ability to speak in such a way that I could hear.  For the first time in my life, I recognized this as a problem!  Of course, I should doubt if I am trusting in my own ability!  

What does Scripture say? ASK (the title of one of my devotions today!) 

James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously without reproach, and it WILL be given him.” It’s a promise! God says ask and He WILL give wisdom…it is HIS responsibility to do it in such a way that I can comprehend it. I’m just a dumb little lamb and He knows that.  

But James 1:6 “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt…” Now that I realize it’s all about God’s ability to give wisdom to me and not my ability to receive it, it makes not doubting a whole lot easier!

And James 1:5 says not only will He give wisdom, but that He will give it GENEROUSLY!  Isn’t that what I have experienced so far? As I read back through the posts I've already written, I see over and over and over again where He HAS spoken to me.  He HAS been faithful to lead and guide me through His Word, through others and even through changing my desires.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He WILL direct your path.”  It’s a promise!  If I ask for His help in making the decisions that need to be made, He WILL help!

Luke 11:9 “So I say to you, Ask and it WILL be given to you; Seek and you WILL find; Knock and the door WILL be opened to you.” And if that’s not clear enough, verse 10 says, “For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds and to him who knocks the door will be opened.”  God promises if I’m asking for wisdom, He WILL give it.  If I’m seeking Him, He WILL be found. If I’m seeking His wisdom, He WILL give it to me. If I’m knocking on His door, He WILL invite me in. 

Father, forgive me for my lack of faith in Your ability to lead, guide, direct, carry, or to make Your voice and Your will known to me.  I believe You can and You WILL! Help my unbelief.

My Scripture reading was Mark 9:14-50 The disciples could not cast out a demon from a boy, so they bring the boy to Jesus. Jesus replies in verse 19, “O unbelieving generation, how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?   

And I feel like He’s talking to me! “O, unbelieving daughter, Don’t you trust me?  How long will I have to put up with you not trusting Me?  After ALL you’ve seen Me do!”

The son’s father says, “But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” Jesus responds, “IF You can?!?!?” Everything is possible for him who believes.”

I ask Jesus, “If You can, would You please help me to hear Your voice and know Your will? And I hear Jesus say, “IF I can make You hear My voice?!?!?  Don’t you see that you already hear my voice! You just said ‘and I HEAR Jesus say!’”

I open my First 5 app and it says: "We have a Savior who knows us and loves us.  He can handle our DOUBTS!"

The very thing I’m struggling with today, He addresses in my Bible study! He answers my doubt! My hearing is NOT dependent on me!  It is completely dependent on YOU! On Your power, Your mercy, Your grace, Your love!

Today I read page 48 of Jesus Calling: 50 Devotion’s for Comfort.  It says, “I AM taking CARE of you! (emphasis mine) I am not only committed to CARING for you, but I am absolutely capable of doing so.  Rest in Me, My weary one for this is a form of worship.  Worship Me by resting peacefully in My presence.”

Yes, Father, I hear You!  You care for me.  You WILL lead and direct me.  You WILL make sure I hear You.

On January, 2, I will have some tests performed including genetic testing.  I will see the doctor on January, 9 and we will decide what to do next.  Please continue to pray for wisdom for the doctor, Pat and me.  I KNOW that if I am asking for wisdom and you are asking for it on my behalf, that He WILL give us the wisdom we need to make the decisions.  We are looking at possibly removing the remainder of the lymph nodes under my left arm OR radiation and chemo OR possibly all 3. Pray that faith (not fear or doubt) would rule in my life. Pray that God will use this to advance His Kingdom and to show His power and His glory.