Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed

Written December 7, 2017

People were overwhelmed with amazement.  “He has done everything well,” they said.  Mark 7:37

This was a verse in my Scripture reading this morning and it sums up exactly how I am feeling.  I am overwhelmed with amazement…because He has done everything well! God has made Himself evident all along this journey and keeps on showing up.

Last Sunday, the day before surgery, a very sweet friend had set up a time for prayer for me. 16 ladies showed up and laid their hands on me and agreed in prayer for me.  Of course, I was moved to tears. I can not tell you how peaceful and confident in God that made me feel.  I can not begin to express the amount of love I felt from these dear friends.  I was overwhelmed with the care and concern these ladies had for me. I was overwhelmed with the faith they have in prayer.

Of course, surgery the next morning was frequently crossing my mind that Sunday. In the worship service, we sang a medley (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UGy4hzVa-Y) including lyrics from Today Is the Day and I Know Who Holds Tomorrow. Some of the words to the songs are: “And I won't worry about tomorrow, I'm giving You my fears and sorrows, Where You lead me I will follow, I'm trusting in what You say” and “Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand But I know who holds tomorrow, And I know who holds my hand” I was thinking, “Yep, there are many things about tomorrow that I don’t understand and that gives me plenty to worry about.  But I’m not going to worry.  I’ll give my fear to God. He will be with me tomorrow and He will be holding my hand.” God used this song to tell me that He was in control of what was happening tomorrow.  It may be unknown to me, but He would be there and He would take care of it. I was overwhelmed by God’s words of comfort to me.

In Sunday School and the sermon, God impressed on me the complete lack of control that Jesus had as a baby.  He was completely willing to come to earth as a completely helpless baby.  Just the thought of being unconscious and completely at the mercy of others in surgery had an unnerving effect on me.  I tend to want to be in control or at least think I am in control.  Over the years God has been teaching  me that all control I think I have is actually only the perception of control. Control is an illusion. I realized that the trust I needed for God to care for me in surgery wasn’t much different than Jesus trusting God to care for Him as a helpless babe completely at the mercy of others.  Except that we are never completely at the mercy of anyone…except for being at the complete mercy of God, who is good and only has good planned for us.  God is always completely in complete control of all.  And through these thoughts given to me by God, I was overwhelmed with peace.

My biggest concern for Monday morning was that fear would overtake me.  I shared that with my Sunday School class and asked them to pray that I would not fear.  Others knew of this concern and were also praying that I would not fear.  As I was getting ready to leave for the hospital and listening to my Spotify playlist the first song to play was “Old Church Choir” by Zach Williams, the song I had adopted as my song for this season.  Then Kari Jobe’s “I Am Not Alone” came on.  God was whispering that He was with me through the words of these songs. The title of my First 5 (https://first5.org) devotion that morning was “No Fear, Just Faith.”  God was saying, you don’t need to fear, just trust Me. And as I waited to be brought to the operating room, I was overwhelmed with a peace that passed my understanding.

Another concern I had for Monday morning, was that they would make me take my contacts out way before it was time for me to go to the operating room.  My eyesight is very poor and when I can’t see, it feels like I have trouble hearing and comprehending.  For some reason, being unable to see disorients me terribly.  My pastor’s wife understood that struggle.  She texted me 2 Corinthians 4:18 the night before surgery.  “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  I was armed with a strategy to fight the fear that came with being unable to see well…I would fix my eyes on Jesus.  Just having that strategy gave me a certain peace.  But that should be our strategy for everything, shouldn’t it? If we would just keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the things of earth would grow strangely dim.  But they allowed me to keep my contacts in until the moment before they rolled me into the operating room.  I was overwhelmed with God’s grace in such a small detail that might have caused me distress.

I awoke in the recovery room to my doctor saying the lymph nodes were clear.  I did learn later that was from the preliminary testing.  More detailed testing will be done to determine if that is the case.  I dozed back off and the next thing I knew I was being wheeled to my room.  Very soon, my room was filled with my husband, all 4 children and my parents.  I learned that the surgery waiting room was full of family and friends from church. I also had some other special visitors that came and visited me in the room after surgery. The first thing I did when I got back to the room was put my contacts back in so I could see and hear and comprehend all that was going on.  The nurse brought me cranberry juice and sprite and water to drink.  The boys enjoyed joking with her and giving her a hard time.  We laughed a lot. My throat hurt so much from being intubated during surgery.  So the kids went to get me an ice cream from Braum’s.  That ice cream tasted SOOOOO good!  (I hadn't been eating sweets for a couple of months.) And it soothed my hurting throat.  And I was overwhelmed with the presence and goodness of family and friends...and ice cream!

Friends from our community and church family have brought meals to us each night since I have been home from the hospital.  We are feasting!  One of my sons said, “Let’s see, we have 6 people in our family…soon it will be 7.  So if everybody has surgery every 2 months…we can eat like this all year!”  I also received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from 2 of my children’s friends.  I was surprised at their thoughtfulness and generosity.  Since the time I was diagnosed, I have received cards of encouragement in the mail, texts letting me know that people were thinking of me and praying for me, gifts of various kinds and lots and lots of prayer from family, friends and even strangers. And I am overwhelmed by an outpouring of love, generosity and abundance!  And it’s not over yet!!! There is more to come!!!! .  I am completely overwhelmed by the power of prayer and by the number of prayers that have been prayed on my behalf. Thank you. THANK you.  Thank YOU!

Recovery has been relatively easy, so far.  I attribute it to the prayers that all of you and so many others are praying for me.  I have only taken 2 ½ pain pills.  I feel better up and moving around.  Sitting too much and laying down so much had my back and neck hurting.  They are not hurting today.  Every day I feel a little better and have a little more range of motion in my arms. I have a good “nurse” helping me take care of the incisions. God made our bodies in a fearful and wonderful way.  Healing is taking place.  Praise God!  I am overwhelmed by the way God created us with the ability to heal.  

All this to say, I have been overwhelmed with amazement.  “He has done everything well,” I say. God has and continues to be with me every step of the way and I am so grateful.   I am finding Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart,” to be true.  As I seek Him, He is letting me find Him. So I encourage all of you to seek Him with all of your heart. He desires to be found.

I have a follow up visit with the doctor next Tuesday.  She should have the full pathology report on the tissues removed.  Please pray for continued healing and for wisdom and discernment for the doctor, Pat and me as we decide what the next steps will be for eradicating this cancer.

THANK YOU ALL for being the hands and feet and arms and mouthpieces of Jesus in my life and my family’s life during this trial. I am completely overwhelmed by the tender lovingkindness God has shown me through ALL OF YOU! I can never repay you.  But I am asking God to bless you and keep you. I am asking Him to let His favor rest on you.  I am asking Him to heal you and strengthen you.  I am asking Him to give you peace and joy.  

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21)