You Will

written on

October 31, 2017

So, today I had a meeting with my surgeon/oncologist.  Over the past month I have done a lot of research regarding hormone receptor positive breast cancer.  There is a lot of food and lifestyle choices you can make to decrease your risk of breast cancer.  I have employed a lot of those changes.  God has given me the power to eat in a very strict manner that I have never had the power to do before this time.  I have gotten rid of and replaced makeup, shampoo, toothpaste, dish soap & laundry detergent.  I have done all of this in hopes of starving this cancer.  I know that God has the power to kill this cancer with a Word and He can kill it whether I make any changes or not.  Usually, however, God likes us to work with Him in doing things, so I believe He wants me to do something.  What that something is, has not been made clear to me.

I told my doctor that I believed God heals in 4 ways.  1. He just heals…without any other intervention being done.  He says, “Be healed” and the healing occurs immediately.  2. He heals through the way He created our bodies to work and through natural elements He has created.  As we take care of our bodies by eliminating toxins, eating foods with life giving power, exercise and prayer, He uses our cooperation with the fearfully and wonderfully way He created our bodies to heal.  3. He uses the medical community and medical advances and intervention to perform healing.  4. Or He gives perfect and complete healing once we get to heaven.  I believe that ALL healing comes from God, The Great Physician, regardless of the means He uses to perform it.

My doctor is very passionate about helping those that can be helped through the knowledge and skill with which God has gifted her.  I think it breaks her heart to think that while my cancer has been caught relatively early with a good chance for complete recovery, that I would choose to refuse healing, when healing is possible.  She does not believe that changing my diet will make a difference in the cancer. I had hoped she would give me 3 to 6 months, but she is giving me 4 weeks.  

I am not hearing God clearly as to which method He wants to use to heal me, I have had great peace in changing my diet and lifestyle…and like I previously mentioned, God has given me the power to do so.  I don’t know why I can’t be like normal people who just takes the doctor’s word for something and does it. I just did not want to regret rushing in to surgery and not giving Him the opportunity to heal without medical intervention.  My desire is that He would receive much glory in whatever manner He chooses to heal.  But, I don’t know in which manner He can receive the MOST glory.  I must leave that up to Him.

As I drove home, I talked with God.  And the best “plan” I could come up with is to not worry and go about doing what I know to do as far as eating, exercising and continuing to serve in the capacity He has provided for me to serve.  Continue to pray and seek Him.  And if He doesn’t miraculously heal, to go ahead with the surgery at the beginning of December.  As His child, I can’t be worried about what He is doing or where He is leading. 

Our Sunday school class is studying the book of Ruth. One thing that God made clear to me in Ruth 2 was that when Ruth went to glean, she wasn’t worried about the field she would glean in.  As she walked, God directed her steps.  So, all I know to do is walk and trust that He WILL direct my steps. Proverbs 16:9 says “In his heart a man plans His course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

Here are a few verses God has used to encourage me today.

From my devotional this morning:

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubles and do not be afraid.” These are Jesus’ words.  I hear Him saying, “Don’t you fret now!”  What am I fretting about?  What if I should have already done the surgery?  What if I’m waiting too long and it gets in the skin or other organs of my body?  What if He does heal and I only find out after the surgery and surgery is done for nothing?

A text from a dear friend.
“I pray He opens doors that He wants you to walk in and closes others, that you hear “this is the way, walk in it” and that His perfect peace be your guide in the uncharted seas.”

Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”

And another text that she forwarded from her daughter-in-law that is going through a storm herself, and it is Nahum 1:7 “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.  He cares for those who trust in Him.”

So, as I drove home, I prayed, “Father, I’m just going to have to trust that as I go, You will direct my steps or that I will “hear a voice behind me saying ‘this is the way, walk in it.’” To the best of my ability, I have sought you and have listened for You to direct me. I must trust that You will take care of me as a good Father does.  I must trust that whatever You allow, You have a purpose for. And that if I take refuge in You, (and I am trying to do that) then You WILL take care of me. Help me not to fret, but to have a calm, quiet, confident trust in You. You are good and all You do is good and all You allow You will use for good. I believe. Help my unbelief.”

I continue to need and long for your prayers.