Frenzy

Frenzy

October 6, 2017

Yesterday started off like a normal day.  A day when I didn’t have a ton of stuff to do. I wouldn’t have to rush through my devotions or morning “routine.”  I needed to bring some information to an office in Mt. Pleasant, but other than that, I could take care of things at home…or so I thought.

A little after noon, I received a call from the doctor’s office.  “The MRI results are in.  Can you be here at 2:45?” I said, “yes” and began moving quickly.  I called Pat to see if he would meet me at the doctor’s office.  

We arrive a little early.  The doctor tells us the results of the MRI and then says, “We can do surgery Monday, if you want to.  You need to let us know first thing in the morning.”  I’m not even sure what she said about the MRI at this point. Earlier I had journaled, “Feeling a little anxious waiting for the MRI results.” But what the MRI said, all of a sudden, was not what was causing anxiety.

Surgery.  Monday. I have to make a decision by morning.  If I do decide to have surgery, I will have to do pre-op at the hospital tomorrow.  That’s a lot for me to process.  My mind and my emotions are in a frenzy. I call my kids.  I call my mom.  I text some friends asking for prayer.  I need to know if this is God’s hand to move this along so quickly.  If I choose not to have surgery Monday, it will be the beginning of November before I can be worked in.

Once home, I make some more phone calls.  Talk it over more with family.  Before I go to bed, the plan is to move forward with surgery Monday, unless I hear God tell me, “No.”

I slept very little last night.  I just kept asking over and over, “what should I do?”  But I heard nothing.  Once I finally did fall asleep, I got a phone call from one of my boys who was driving late at night, to let me know he made it to his destination. Thank You, Father. I could not go back to sleep, so I continued to pray, but still did not hear an answer.  

Once it was time to get up, I couldn't wait to get to my morning devotion to see if I would hear a word from the Lord and what it is He wants me to do.  Nothing.  The text is Ecclesiastes 2.  Solomon continues his discourse on life being meaningless.  Not what I wanted to read this morning.  But verse 26 says, “To the man who pleases Him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness…”  I asked, “Father, don’t I please you?  Will You not give me wisdom for this situation?”  And still nothing.

I received a text from a friend.  “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”(Romans 15:13) I don’t have peace.  I am reminded of the verses in Philippians that say, “Don’t worry about anything. But in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” The very verse that was alive in me just a few days ago, is no longer bringing peace.  The thought of surgery Monday, does not result in peace, no matter how hard I try to talk myself into it.  I have many dear friends praying for me as I make this decision and still I don’t hear God.

So, I go to work with Pat.  I tell him about my concerns.  I really do NOT want surgery.  I really do NOT want radiation.  I really do not want ANY of this.  I just want to go back to life before cancer so rudely invaded.  But I don’t have that choice.  The only choice I have now, is how I will deal with it.  Pat tells me that if I’m not ready, to wait.

Peace begins to return.  As we drive down the interstate I see “ISAIAH 40:31” posted on the back of an 18-wheeler.  I know this verse from Bible drill.  I don’t even have to look it up.  “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”  Is this my answer?  Wait?  Waiting seems right…but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m scared.  Because I am scared.

I call the doctor’s office.  I have the nurse read the MRI report to me again.  She says the MRI did not show anything new from what the mammogram and ultrasound had already shown.  And then she says that they think I will qualify for the financial aid I had applied for.  She said the doctor wanted me to consider waiting for surgery so we could find out.  I told her I would talk to my husband and call her right back.  He said, “wait.”  So, waiting is what I am going to do.  And finally, peace.

Praises: 

~MRI did not show any further areas of cancer.  Praise God!!! 

~Surgery will be in a month or so and NOT Monday!

~The doctor thinks a lumpectomy on both sides should get rid of the cancer! (with radiation to follow)

Prayer requests: 

~That when the surgery is done that the tissue removed will be free of cancer on the margins or edges.  If the margins are clear, no more surgery.  If the margins are not clear, more surgery will be required.

~That I will continue to trust God in this.  That my faith will not fail.

~That God will give me peace for the upcoming surgery.

~What my pastor and his wife are praying for me: “That God will be so visible through this that no one can doubt that God is real and that He keeps His promises!”

~And as you pray for me, will you also pray for another woman and a teenage girl in our community who have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer.