Only 1 To Go!

May 24, 2018

Lots has happened since I last gave an update on my condition.  I have completed 3 Taxol chemos (7 chemos total).  Only one to go! It has actually flown by. The 4^th chemo almost did me in. I was so discouraged after that chemo and with the blood clot and low hemoglobin, that I was questioning whether I should have taken the chemo at all.  I asked Pat if I should stop the chemo.  He encouraged me to do what needs to be done to get rid of the cancer.  My friend encouraged me and caused me to think with a different perspective.  My church family provided meals that week when I felt so weak.  And here I am…with only ONE chemo to go!

Taxol has not been as harsh on me as the Adriamycin/Cytoxin combo. Praise God! The main side effects are fatigue for a couple of days and I am also having some neuropathy in my fingertips and the sole of my right foot.  The white blood cell counts have not fallen below normal.  My hemoglobin isn’t rising but it is staying fairly stable. I feel as close to normal as I have since chemo started.  I am slowly increasing my activity.

I did have one misstep with chemo.  With this type, I have to take steroids 12 hours and 6 hours before chemo.  My 3^rd treatment should have been on May 16.  But I completely forgot about taking the steroids.  I went and had lab work done, saw the doctor and he asked if I had taken the steroids.  That was the first time that steroids had entered my mind since the 2^nd treatment! I was so disappointed that I could not receive chemo that day.  It also ruined some other plans that I had because of the timing of the chemo.  A verse that has come across my path often in the past few weeks is Proverbs 16:9. “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”  God is always in control.  I had several to remind me that God may have had a reason for the chemo to be rescheduled…that He could have reminded me about the steroids.  And I thought that even if it was a consequence of my own negligence, I have a God who is able to make all things work together for my good.  He is so good! 

My last chemo, God willing, will be June 4^th!  We hope to do a Facebook Live when I ring the bell signifying the end of chemo.  

On the 23^rd, I saw the radiation doctor.  He said I will require radiation to the left side only.  The right side has little chance for recurrence.  That was a surprise and a blessing.  He didn’t say when radiation would start, but that he would give me a couple of weeks to recover some from the chemo.  They went ahead and did some scans to determine the way they would deliver the radiation.  There are 3 ways depending on how close my “heart clings to the chest wall.”  If it isn’t that close it will be a normal delivery.  If a deep inhale will reduce the risk of damage to the heart, the delivery of the radiation will be when I take a deep breath.  No radiation will be given when I exhale.  There is a 3^rd delivery method that they are able to do some kind of curved beam that is much more complicated and expensive.  I am praying that one of the first 2 methods will be sufficient. They also put the marks on me that will be a guide for where the radiation needs to go. Radiation will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  The hardest part will probably the drive to Longview every day.  It is 1 ½ hours from home.  He said I can expect some fatigue, but nothing like the fatigue from chemo.

My son, Conner, had an accident on the 7^th.  He broke his right thumb and cut off the tip of his right long finger when his hand got caught in the coils of the rope when he was in a team roping competition in Kinder, LA.  Our good friends brought him to the ER and stayed with him from 1 AM to after 4 AM and then brought him home.  We saw a sports medicine surgeon who said he wouldn’t touch it and recommended a hand specialist.  We saw the specialist and were so thankful that God worked it out that a we were referred to a specialist.  The ER doctor and the sports med surgeon both thought the long finger would have to be amputated in the middle of the finger.  In surgery, the hand specialist just took off the exposed bone and pulled the skin to cover as much as possible.  He then dressed it with A-cell, powdered cells from a pig’s bladder that tells Conner’s cells to reproduce and gives them a framework to grow on.  He lost very little of that finger. Dressing changes are done daily.  He could not put a plate on the thumb bone like he wanted to because Conner had a wound from the injury on the thumb and the doctor didn’t want to introduce bacteria into the thumb.  He was able to get some pins in and then casted his thumb.  We will not know for another couple of weeks whether the thumb will heal without another operation.  If it doesn’t heal, it will require a plate to connect the ends of the broken bone.  The doctor said that because of the type of injury, there is a possibility that the blood vessels were damaged making it more difficult to heal.

June 6, 2018

UPDATE:

I did not get this posted before the last chemo.  Many of you have seen the Facebook live post of me ringing the bell!  It feels so good to be through with chemo!  Hayden and Conner took me.  My sister, Pam, met us there for the last chemo treatment.  She brought me a beautiful flower arrangement.  Then the boys treated us to Copeland’s for a last chemo celebration meal.  When I got home, there was angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream (my favorite!) and banana pudding in my refrigerator from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. It was a good day!

 I received a call Tuesday letting me know that radiation will begin on June 25^th.  I also had an appointment with Dr. C on Tuesday.  She plans to take my port out next Wednesday.  She wants to go ahead and remove it because of the blood clot.  She doesn’t want to risk me having another one after the Eliquis is stopped.

Conner also had an appointment on Tuesday.  X-rays of his thumb show no signs of healing.  We are working on getting surgery scheduled for next week to have the plate put in. (Update on the update: Conner had surgery on Friday the 8^th. Surgery went well!)

Please continue to pray for our family with the many things that are going on. Pray for Conner’s thumb to heal and for continued healing of his finger. Pray that the chemo and radiation will completely eliminate every cancer cell from my body.  Pray for wisdom and direction for Pat and Sydney regarding their jobs. Pray that through everything, we will continue to trust God and that He will receive much glory.

Our Provider

June 6, 2018
 

I wrote a post the same day as my last post to update you all on my situation.  However, the events of this last week has had me thinking along different lines.  Our family lost 2 people dear to us.  On Tuesday, I got word that Mr. Cavender had passed away and on Thursday, my good friend Mrs. W passed away.  Our family was blessed in different ways by each of these friends. This is a very sloppy post.  I have not had time to process everything and get my thoughts together.

Both Pat and Sydney worked for Mr. Cavender on his personal ranches.  They had close daily contact with him.  Sydney ate lunch with him at least once a week.  He adored Sydney and was always bragging about her to someone.  Although, they both are still working on the ranches while, Mr. Cavender’s family decide what their plans are for the ranches, it will never be the same without Mr. Cavender.  He was a go-getter.  Always excited about getting work done.  Excited about selling a place and buying a new one.  He was a very likeable, funny and generous man who will be greatly missed by our family.  

Mrs. W was a sweet lady who loved well.  And she was well loved in return.  She knew everybody’s name.  Whether you were the post master, a clerk in the grocery store or a nurse she had recently met, she learned and remembered your name. She loved to bake and share her goodies with others.  She loved to celebrate life. She taught me much about living…what she had done well and what she wished she could change.  And she also taught me about dying.  It was my privilege to spend time with her over the past several years.

When your husband and daughter’s jobs are at risk, it’s easy to be anxious.  It’s easy to think that Mr. Cavender was our provider and that without him we will not be provided for in all the ways that he provided for us.  Pat and Sydney were compensated in many more ways than just a salary.  And it will never be the same without him.  

But God reminded me of the job Pat had before he began working for Mr. Cavender.  It was a great job, close to home with many perks.  When that boss died, he stayed on working for the trust.  Eventually, he was sued by the boss’s widow (the lawsuit was dropped after several years) and was let go by the trust.   

At that time, I thought it was such a loss and no job could replace that job.  But I was wrong.  God provided the job with Mr. Cavender and then provided Sydney with a job, too.  But not just a job, but a relationship and mentorship with Mr. Cavender.  It will always be remembered as a wonderful time in her life and our lives.  Sydney was married on one of Mr. Cavender’s ranches.  

It is amazing how God works in our lives.  The lawsuit against Pat caused him to lose his job, and that caused him to go to work for Mr. Cavender, which in turn enabled Sydney to work for and get to know and learn from an amazing man. I have often told her she should thank God that C.S. sued her dad. It is one of those times, that in hindsight, we can see how God worked something bad together for good.

I realized that Pat’s previous job and current job, and Sydney’s job are gifts from God.  God was being good and generous to our family through Mr. Cavender.  God was providing for our family through Mr. Cavender.  And although Mr. Cavender is gone…God is not!  He will continue to be good and gracious and generous to us through whomever He chooses.  Man is not our provider.  God is our Provider.  So, although we will dearly miss those through which He has provided, we can be certain that He will continue to provide for us.

I am looking forward to what God has in store for us next!

Greatest Intervention Ever

It’s been over a month since I’ve written.  So, I reviewed my journal to see some of what God has been doing in that time.  A prayer on April 15 was, “So many people need Your intervention in their/our lives.  We are doomed to destruction without You. Please intervene!”

I was surprised that what I prayed then, was echoed in my prayer this morning. “So many continue to desperately need You.” I then listed the people and families I am praying for. “We all desperately need You and Your intervention in our lives! Thank You that You choose to intervene in human lives.”

There are so many families going through such difficult and tragic circumstances.  This has been heavy on my heart for a while now. Pain and suffering and death and loss seem to punctuate this life.  I am confident that in the end, ALL will be redeemed, ALL pain and suffering will be over for those who are in Christ.  But I want to see some redemption, some conflict resolution, some of Your wonders in the “land of the living,” as David called it. (Psalm 27:13) I want to see it now!

In reviewing my journal, I was able to find glimpses of God’s goodness in the midst of all the hurt and pain in many lives.

~A wife and mother in ICU on life support suddenly pulled through.

~Several made it through successful surgeries and are healing.

~God revealed truth to a Judge so that he had mercy on a young man and his case was dismissed.

~I rode a horse for the first time since surgery and was able to “help” pen cows.

~A mother/grandmother completed cancer treatment and was declared cancer free!

~A friend was protected from a surgery that would have been more damaging to her condition.

~My son was provided for by good friends who took care of him, accompanied and stayed with him in the ER (5 ½ hours away from home) from 1:00 am to after 4:00 am in the morning and brought him home.

~A mom was reconciled to her daughter and granddaughter after almost 2 years of estrangement.

~For the first time in over 60 days, a teenage girl was able to sleep through the night without being interrupted by excruciating pain!

~The mom on life support, held her newborn grandson a little over a month after she was miraculously revived.

I am so thankful for the way we can see that God has worked in each of these individual's and families' lives!  But I am also thankful for the ways God is working in every person’s on my prayer list lives, even when we can’t clearly see His work from this vantage point. And even though we may never understand His plan this side of heaven.

Jesus Calling on May 8, says, “Do not long for the absence of problems in your life.  That is an unrealistic goal. Do not seek your heaven on earth.”  And although I should not (but often do) expect heaven on earth, I am so thankful that God is still at work on this earth, intervening in the lives of people whether I can see it or not.

But the greatest intervention ever performed by God was when He sent Jesus into this world to live a perfect life and to become the perfect sacrifice for our sins.  Because of Jesus death on the cross and His resurrection, those of us who accept Him as our Lord and Savior, have Him to walk step by step with us through every circumstance of this life.  And we have the hope of heaven, where we will spend eternity with Him without evil or pain or suffering or death or loss.  All of our experiences will be completely redeemed.  Because of Jesus, I can not only endure, but actually enjoy this time on earth with all its valleys and mountains.

My greatest prayer for all of those on my prayer list and for their families and for all of you reading this and for your families is that each of you would experience a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.  If you choose not to, you will not only experience some hell on earth, but you will also experience hell for eternity. But God made a way for you to escape hell, because He loves you, wants a relationship with you and doesn't want you to suffer eternally. My greatest prayer is that you would accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior so you can experience Him and His goodness, not only here on earth, but also for eternity in heaven.  If you are not sure if you will go to heaven when you die, please watch these short videos or contact me so you can be sure. 

 “This side of heaven we do indeed get to see revelations of His resurrection power.  This dusty orb suspended in the universe just between heaven and hell bears in its air the flecks of them both.  I do not doubt you have tasted hell on the tip of your tongue, but you have also tasted heaven.”               

Beth Moore, Audacious,  

B&H Publishing Group, pp 150, 157

Interrupting Joy

Joy. That is the word God gave me for this year. I was really excited to have that word.  I thought it meant that I would like the circumstances (i.e., no chemo, no radiation) and joy would be the result.    I didn’t want the “consider it all joy when you face various trials” (James 1:2) kind of joy or “for the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross,” kind of joy. (Hebrews 12:2) I wanted and was expecting the easy kind of joy. But it looks like the kind of joy I’m getting is the kind for which I have to fight.

The last few weeks have been rough. After my 4^th chemo, (the last of the Adriamycin/Cytoxin combo!  Woohoo!) I ended up with blood clots in my neck and arm on the side of the port and a hemoglobin low enough they wanted to give me a blood transfusion. I wasn’t ready for a transfusion, so I chose to wait from Wednesday (when I got results of the previous day’s blood work) to Tuesday to have the blood work done again.  The chemo kills any cells that divide quickly.  That’s why my white blood cells and red blood cells are decreased. Hemoglobin is the measure of the amount of oxygen that your red blood cells can carry.  As hemoglobin decreases, the amount of oxygen your blood is able to carry to your organs and muscles decreases.  This causes your heart rate to increase to try to get more oxygen to your tissues.

 

Last Tuesday, chemo was canceled. Instead, we needed to find out if I needed a blood transfusion and to find out if my port was still accessible and functional.  Hemoglobin increased from 7.7 to 8.7!  Praise the Lord! Transfusions are usually given when the hemoglobin is less than 8.  I went for a CT scan with contrast to make sure the port was still able to be used for chemo treatments.  And praise God, it was.  

Instead of the 4^th chemo stealing the usual 3 days from me, this time it took more than 2 weeks.  So, in a text to a friend, I wrote, “I am so ready to be done with this!”  She is also experiencing some prolonged health problems and I texted, “And I know you are ready to be done, too!”  It would have been so easy for her to agree with me and begin to talk about the negative things she and I were experiencing.  Instead, she chose to encourage me and to cause me to think with a new perspective.

Another friend posted this verse on Facebook.  “In this world you will have trouble.” John 16:33 It seems like I have come across this verse quite a bit in the past several months.  And every time I hear or see it, I think, “That ain’t no lie!”  As I’ve told you before, I know many, many people who are having trouble (And trouble is an understatement!) in their lives. I don’t think I’d want to trade places with any of them. More and more, this world just seems so filled with trouble.  It would be so easy to get discouraged and depressed.  But we can’t forget the rest of the verse. “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  These are the words of Jesus. And they ain’t no lie, either!

Also, I came across this phrase twice this week from 2 different sources.  “God wastes nothing.”  He does not allow things in my life that can’t be used for good. If there is pain or difficulty in my life, it does have a purpose. 

As, I contemplated these things and other things that I know to be true about God, I was reminded that the process is part of the plan.  The process of waiting and enduring and trusting Him through every circumstance that I don’t want or understand, is producing something.  In me.  In others.

It feels like my life has been put on hold.  Like time is being wasted with me doing nothing but laying around trying to survive. Like I am missing out on so many things.  Like my body is falling apart. But His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.

I must remember that God has set times for everything.  Whether it’s the 9 months it takes for a baby to develop in it’s mother’s womb.  Or the time it takes for a seed to sprout, grow and produce fruit.  Or the time it takes for bread to bake.  If we get impatient in the middle of the process and induce the baby’s birth or pull up the seed to see if it’s sprouting or take the bread out of the oven before it is done, then we end up with a mess.  Instead of the joy of a healthy baby, we end up with a baby with a multitude of medical problems. Instead of the joy of a fresh tomato, we get a dirty, possibly sprouted seed.  Instead of the joy of fresh baked bread slathered with butter, we get gooey dough that doesn’t taste good at all.  The process of time in each instance is for the purpose of full development and the joy that comes along with it.

Will I be happy when I am through with chemo and every other treatment that this cancer requires?  You better believe it!  And I will celebrate!  But until that time, I will preach to myself, that God is doing something to develop me and others in the process of all that comes with cancer treatment.  Do I really want to interrupt whatever it is God is doing in my life and in the lives of others affected by this?  At times the answer would be “yes,” but when I am able to think clearly, the answer would always be an emphatic, “NO!”  If I’ve got to go through this and if my family and friends have to go through this, then I want us to receive the fullness of joy that being fully developed through this will bring.  For the joy that is coming (Hebrews 12:2), I will endure these cancer treatments and the side effects it brings.  I will ask God to help me consider it all joy because His Word promises that the testing of my faith produces perseverance.  And that perseverance must finish it’s work so that I can be mature and complete lacking nothing. (James1:2-4) And that’s not something I want to interrupt!

Notes I had written in my Bible by James 1:2-4

“Count it all joy”

“If you can’t make it go away, will you decide to make it count?”

“Will you allow your pain to be transformative?”

I’m not sure who these came from.  I wish I had written it down so I could give credit to whom it is due.